When the Smoke Clears

This week’s featured poem by Holli Locker is one of heartbreak, hurt, and healing. You can follow her on instagram @reinaaa_05

If you’d like to be featured on the blog for #NationalPoetryMonth let me know by leaving a comment under this post.

Keep Being Honest.

Even through the broken lenses

And the wells of pain hidden behind in plain sight,

I saw you

 

You were persistent…

Trapped by the shade of hesitation with wings destroyed and clipped from my last flight

 

I thought there was no place for me to go,

 

Winded, worried, and crushed

Persistence, unyielding in its pursuit,

With intentions unknown,

you chased the shade away and brought, a light

 

Yet, the wells still filled like the dams in dark forbidden woods

But,

I still saw you

And soon, they dried

 

Was it persistence?

Was it ease?

Or was it simply the continuance of a never ceasing intoxication,

One that lifted me high,

High above the unsolved realities

The ones that patiently awaited my arrival, after every flight

 

Whatever it was, like, transformed to love

And lust covered it, like the flakes of winters first snowfall

I saw you

And you felt warm, even with the shivers at night

And even with the days that brought frostbite

 

A vision of distortion became the lense of life, of love

You promised me forever

And the manure that filled my mind and fertilized my thoughts

Propelled me to be-lie-ve you

 

Your words smelled as sweet as hope had ever tasted

Although the stench still lingered

A subtle reminder of an unacceptable truth,

I saw you

And the sight I saw was bitterly-sweet

 

My thoughts were so well cared for

You made sure to water me

I felt safe,

The limited prison of complacency comforted me,

Spacious, with just enough room for:

Fear-regret-turmoil-sadness-depression-suicide-and-despair

 

I saw you

And you killed me, with kindness

Every now and again I drift back ashore,

Never anchored enough to stay

Tied to you promise,

I was always pulled back to set sail with my blinded captain

 

For a little while, you let me steer the wheel,

The view seemed promising

All the black and blues,

the gasping of purples,

the warnings of yellow,

and the cautions of red were breathtaking

 

Forever felt beautiful

I thought as I steered that I still saw you

 

In the ship you retreated

I figured it was just the cold air calling for maturity,

or the dark night sky demanding decisive decisions

 

So for us,

I kept sailing

As the waves swayed like

The hips of a well figured women, our ship shifted

 

A storm chased away my bright sky

I searched for you

I looked for you

I even used our covenant compass,

But it didn’t work.

 

The wells filled again

The shade returned

 

…And I couldn’t see you

 

But,

Like the seasons change

And a wintery clothed window soon

Clears as the ray heats the glass

 

My vision became as clear as a crystal

 

Finally,

I saw me!

 

Resilient

Radiant

Relentless…

 

                                                                                  I saw me.