A brief introduction the Girl Talk Series via Facebook live videos. Join the discussion here.
Who do you think you are?
And I don’t mean that as a rhetorical question you can absolutely respond! Like really who are you? One thing I remember the going away committee at my college telling me before traveling abroad for a semester, “Character is who you are when no one’s looking.” And as ominous and ambiguous that sounds it’s absolutely true. I didn’t understand it back then. That loaded quote from some old guy really makes a whole lot of sense to me now.
When I think about my identity: the person I am outside of someone else (you know… friend, daughter, student, etc.) It takes some real soul searching. Looking at my life on paper, it would say:
and so on and so forth. But, honestly, all of these titles require someone else. And I strongly believe others play a huge part in finding out who you are. For instance, there would be no way I could discover how dedicated I am to family if I didn’t have a sister to sister or a mother to daughter. I wouldn’t know how trustworthy I am if I didn’t have a friend to befriend or how much of a learner I am if I didn’t have students to teach or readers to write to.
I believe many women come to this realization in life after years of being someone to others. We can sometimes forget to be someone for ourselves. The best thing you can do for yourself is find out who you are: your character, your likes and dislikes, your faith, your passions and (most importantly) be you in confidence.
I’ve got some really good suggestions for the Girl Talk series so I decided to do some Facebook live videos to discuss in the honestly.me group. You can join here.
All of the suggestions I’ve gotten seem to revolve around a certain theme and that is identity which is also the theme for the month of July.
Instead of asking Who You Are? Let’s reverse and discuss Who I Am. I’ll keep the identity of the ladies anonymous but the deeper meaning of the questions (the root) is knowing without a doubt who I am. So, I have some words I believe all of us can use affirmation in: important, enough, wanted, loved.
The first young lady suggested two words “boy problems” and to me, that was her initial problem. Choosing to pair yourself with “boys” can never end well. If you’re struggling with boys (whatever that means to you, wanting him to show you attention, time, etc) you have to allow him to become a man. Another young lady gave a story of something she was struggling with in her friend group. She wanted to ‘fit in’ but her friends wanted her to wear a certain style in order to do so. That was a classic wanting to fit in above staying true to yourself. And the last lady wanted to discuss men in monogamous relationships. Her friends and some of her family were dismissing her notion about men having the ability to stay faithful to their girlfriend or wife. But her loved ones wanted to excuse this by saying, “men will be men.” And, excuse my rant, but what kind of thinking is that? Real men will be real men and stay faithful, not only to their wives but their families. I know a few men who are in monogamous marriages. But I’ll digress and save the full discussion for the live videos.
So, all of this brings me here, we have to know and be sure of ourselves, ladies. Don’t compromise your beliefs in order to fit in, or get a better position, or gain the title of wife or mother. You owe it to yourself to let the boys in your life grow into men. If they’re not ready to be in a relationship, then don’t force it. And, please, don’t excuse their poor behavior. We, as women, need to hold men to a higher standard. It needs to be a collective effort, not just a few sprinkled here and there. Men will only treat us the way we allow them to. Let’s work on healing from those insecurities and discover our true selves.
If you know who you are then you won’t compromise your character for someone else.
Aside from the others I serve in my life, my resume sheet would look like:
I am important means my life has meaning. I am enough means my life, my efforts, my trying and enduring is more than enough. I am wanted means I don’t have to feel abandoned or left out of anything or any group because God saw me and wanted me before I was born. I am loved means the creator of the universe looks down on me and sees the love of his life. I am secured in the beloved. He loves me like crazy. So, I don’t seek validation from less masquerading as more. I don’t get my worth from the number of followers on my IG (I pray that sets you free!) or how many people view my blog each week. I know deep down who I am to the core and that is settled on something firm, solid, unchanging: God.
And you, yes, you are important, you are enough, you are wanted and you are loved.
Let me know who you are by leaving a comment below. And if you want to get in on the Girl Talk Series then leave a comment below, too. Join the Honestly.me community here. Connect with sisters who have similar interests, goals and dreams.
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