Honestly, sometimes I rush through my days. I mean, I’m stupid busy, like, it should be illegal to be this preoccupied! Somehow, 24 hours just isn’t enough. To save from feeling unproductive, I try to get through the hard, un-enjoyable parts of my days (which is counter-intuitive) in hopes of being fruitful. It’s like today doesn’t count. More importantly, I miss some really important life moments: the person I’m becoming in the process of getting to where I think I should be.
Rushing keeps us from being present. I sat back, one day, after a marathon of writing essays, studying for upcoming pivotal tests, applying for jobs (again), arguing with family and with God; and I asked myself who am I right now? I, literally, did not recognize the person I saw or her actions. I have an acute focus on the person I desperately want to be, but I dismissed the person I was becoming. The hurdles I faced, in between the sprints, I thought, were unbearable (and unnecessary) so I rushed through them, thinking that today doesn’t count.
Last year was really hard for me. I felt like I should be doing something else with my time and talents, I felt unsupported and unpretty. Given the education I hold, along with the potential to change the world deep inside of me, I felt my greatness was silenced and my paycheck proved it. My current situation affected my emotions so much that I didn’t care enough to stop in between my days to talk to a co-worker, call a distant friend, or take time to love my sisters. My professional life was barren and so were my relationships. I didn’t believe my talents were being recognized which drove my every thought. I believed I was not going to be at the job for long so I forwent establishing personal relationships; which is not what I am called to do! I felt parched from the lack of personal interaction and the possible life I could make better that day (and vice versa.)
To make matters worse, those chain of events resulted in an unwarranted depression. There were many great things, as well as, some not-so-great things that happened, however, I learned to take the good with the bad. Just because I am still underpaid for the work I produce, I don’t walk around mad at the world. Just because I am still single, I don’t live bitter. Just because I am still unsatisfied with the state of my professional career, I don’t take my anger out on those closest to me.
There are some moments where I need to be present! And I can’t speed through those moments in hopes of getting to my desired destination – my promise land. Said promise land won’t come any quicker, it is set for an appointed time. So, I don’t just sit around sulking, protesting my current circumstances, angry at the world, myself, and God. I realize now, I have to learn humility, and how to serve so that I will know how to lead well. And that time will come when I am completely ready, lacking nothing. The person I am becoming in the process of getting to my promise land is growing in humility, perfecting in grace, and developing in wisdom and knowledge of all things good.
There is a sense of relief any runner feels when she completes a race, one she’s prepared for; hurdles and all. The greatest thing about it is the hurdles. It challenges her, makes her better. Though, it doesn’t feel good and might even hurt – at the moment – those hurdles are making her whole.
Friend, don’t miss out on the person you’re becoming in the hurdles. Life is a marathon and its lived through sprints, cooldowns, and LOTS of recovery. But we can get so hung up on trying to get to our desired goal that we miss the person we become in the hurdles. And those hurdles are important, after all, adversity builds character and that character creates hope. And when we come through those hurdles with poise and grace we can have a sudden feeling of relief and gratification. Like my friend Usain.
Ladies, ever felt like you wanted to just do today over; like the today just doesn’t count? Let me know in the comments below.
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