Single on Valentine’s… Again

To deflect this post from sounding bitter or glorifying relationships, I want to amplify the healthy in between.

Lately, I’ve been owning my stride or, more specifically, how my unique style fits in life.

Truth is, I’m not the least bit bothered at the fact I’m single (again) on VDay. This has been problematic in the past however it doesn’t mean much to me now. Finding my healthy in-between means, to me, being content (yes, that special word) in my place in life; my stride.

In high school, I never got balloons, over-stuffed teddy bears, or surprise love notes pouring out of my locker from a sweetheart. To be honest, I never received anything on that coveted day; except from my mom (God bless her!) I never had a boyfriend (officially). Hard to believe, huh? Sometimes I can’t believe the person I am today started from a shallow, insecure, depressed young lady once upon a time. And I have to remind myself, I am not what my past suggests and, with work (not just faith) I can change the trajectory of my life. For the better.


So, the feeling of missing out has plagued me for so long, but, by God’s grace, I’ve grown and I want to explain, but not belittle, the process.

Its been hard work, seriously. Its been a legit process of finding myself, discovering what makes me me and loving every single strength, flaw and all. So, valentine is, literally, one day and I don’t want to make it small but I don’t need one day to feel loved by a significant other (or future significant other). I’m not a valentine nay-sayer or another bitter single woman on Valentine’s, but I am completely honest with the place I’m at this very moment. What I’m not doing is sulking at my stride. My pace is one that’s my own. And you, too, have to find yours. Mine has been slow and steady. And I think God is into slower movements like abiding and bearing.

If you’ve been the girl who’s always alone on that day, then take your self out. Real talk.


A couple of weeks ago, I did just that. I got tired of waiting for “someone” to take me out or friends’ schedule to coincide with mine so, I treated myself. It was actually very smart because, being that I’ve had a lack of positive male role models, I don’t want to be head over hills about the first stud to show me some attention, buy me nice things, or tell me I’m pretty. Now, I’m not saying to do/say those things aren’t great, yes, but I shouldn’t desperately crave that from someone else. I treated myself to dinner at TGIFriday’s (my fave restaurant) and a movie; one that I’ve been wanting to see for a while. It was strange at first, but gradually I became comfortable with the idea.

As I sat and ate my Jack Daniel’s chicken sandwich, I thought to myself: Nee, you are an amazing person and any man would be happy to have you as a wife. And as weird or cliché as it sounds, I truly believe that with all of me. Honestly, I’ve dealt with so much BS from past situationships and, thus, a lack of healthy male relationships, I had not known how liberating it is to enjoy my own presence, find out what kind of person I am in preparation for that special someone. And, furthermore, I get my whole existence from God. In him, I live and move and have my entire being. So, I don’t look in a relationship for what only God can give me. I’m not waiting to start a relationship to be happy, to start living; please. I am thriving right now.

And I so desperately want you to know that, too; whatever your relationship status may be. Your life doesn’t start after you get married, no! It starts now. Enjoy who you are, find out what makes you happy and allow God to change you in the process. Friend, valentine’s day is only one day (24 hours), go head, treat yourself to something nice. Own your stride.

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5 comments

  1. Young lady, be wise, continue fighting, it’s been years of adversity, wrong-doings —continue wrighting. Love your heart, considering your soul, be that secret, intelligently speaking..be that mole. It’s been a long time since we’ve stood, stood for something great, for the lack of falling and killing the dreams once dreamt, this is fate. This is far from over, Queen, the time is now, the hands still tick, they still go around. Therefore, there’s consistently in which the moment has aloud, like a beating drum, there with imminent sound. Thinking clearly you could grasp at consistency, done watched the clock long enough it’s enriching thee. Moreover, Shanisha, honey, be that Busy Bee; can I be straightforward, you have motivated the “Honestly Me”!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Isaiah, that was so beautiful! I really appreciate your kind words and for supporting my wiring/dreams. Thank you for seeing the greatness in me. 😊😊😊

      Like

  2. As someone who has been married and divorced, and then very happily single for many years, Yes. I am so glad that you have realised these things at a young age. I applaud and salute you. I would like my daughters to understand this too. You make your life complete. Wonderful post.

    Liked by 1 person

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