Honestly, sometimes I don’t want to make new friends. People are inconsistent and subject to change at any moment.
And I don’t know if I’m ready for that level of rejection again. I think its a combination of my insecurities and past experiences.
Let me explain, I have always been quiet and as a result found myself alone. When I was younger it was because I didn’t have many friends. Now I know its because I relish the company of myself above all else. And it’s this charade of in-dependency that plagues me most. Tall-tale attributes of an introvert are shy and lonely however that just isn’t true.
In fact, inter-dependency is what I actually crave. What my past taught me is true: relationships are sticky situations. But that doesn’t mean I should avoid them.
The beauty of interdependence is that it doesn’t rest solely on me – it requires another.
I tend to put on airs as if I have it all together and I don’t need anyone’s help. But the only problem is that it isn’t true. To me, ‘needing someone’ is a sign of weakness. And I’m not just talking about relationships, friendships as well.
I want to be friendly but not vulnerable. Because vulnerable=weakness.
And its the combination of these beliefs that leave me wanting. And as much as it contradicts my so-called beliefs I know God has called me to something greater than a life full of me.
Since day one, He told me that I wasn’t any good alone. Genesis 2:18
Then, He said I needed friends to improve. Proverbs 27:17
He whispered to me that two are better than one. Ecclesiastes 4:9
Truth is, relationships are what drives me. I wouldn’t be who I am with my specific proclivities, personality and perceptions if not for the people who matter most to me.
I may not be the best communicator or conversationalist. I may not be the life of the party but I at least show up.
And that’s the hardest part – showing up.
But (I love when I see this word. It always means a change is coming!) I am too young to be defeated by life already.
So I choose to be an introvert who possesses an extrovert’s attributes, a flawed person seeking out other flawed persons. I choose to view relationships as a beautiful exchange. Because ultimately, we all need someone.
Congratulations, I’ve nominated you for the Liebster award, for guidance on what to do next just check out my blog post – https://nxtures.wordpress.com/2017/09/28/liebster-award-2017/ I look forward to reading your post, Sophie 🙂
Thank you for the nomination Sophie! And thanks for taking the time to read my blog!
No worries, can’t wait to read your future posts! 🙂
In some ways it’s easy for me to make new friends because I’m a multi-cultural person who has had to move many times. Some third culture kids go the other way and decide never to make friends again because the good-byes are too painful. I decided years ago that I’m willing to be vulnerable because even if I experience pain in betrayal, it was worth being loved while I was close to that friend. When it is a Christian friendship, that person uses their spiritual gift with you the most, and you are built up.
Yes, it is all worth it. And friendships bring God glory.
“At least I show up” YES! That’s me too. I’m also very much an introvert and I’ve had to come to grips with the fact that I need relationships and I need to be social (even when I don’t want to) but I just have to come to it all with the realization that it takes a lot of work and energy for me. But it’s worth it.
Amen
“Now I know its because I relish the company of myself above all else. ” Me! Me! Me! Me all the way sis! But, I completely resonate with this post. Your honesty is breathtaking and to be honest, I thought I typed this myself lol! We are soul sisters lol
Lol awww thanks for this! 😊😊😊 it really means a lot. I’m glad you can relate!